


Bucky Bear and the Difficult Question

by Dira Sudis (dsudis)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bondage, Gen, Kink Negotiation, Kinky Gen, Rape Recovery, Teddy Bears, Tentacle Monsters, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:00:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3145085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsudis/pseuds/Dira%20Sudis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What if I want someone to do something to me that... isn't so nice," Bucky Bear says after a while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucky Bear and the Difficult Question

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Feanor_in_leather_pants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feanor_in_leather_pants/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Arts and Crafts Hour with the Hydra Tentacle Monsters](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2396456) by [Feanor_in_leather_pants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feanor_in_leather_pants/pseuds/Feanor_in_leather_pants). 
  * Inspired by [Inside the Blanket Fort with Self Care Bear](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3554861) by [Feanor_in_leather_pants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feanor_in_leather_pants/pseuds/Feanor_in_leather_pants). 



> Happy birthday, Feanor! :D

Bucky Bear has been doing better lately. Today he's coming to Self Care Bear's house for their regular visit together, instead of Self Care Bear going to see him. Self Care Bear puts the blankets in the dryer before Bucky Bear is due, and when he arrives--only five minutes later than he said he would, which is practically on time--they're nice and warm. 

Bucky Bear wraps up tightly in his blanket, using both paws to keep it firmly around himself. Self Care Bear doesn't think it's a matter of being cold, although it's a chilly day outside. He doesn't ask Bucky Bear about it right away. He sips his tea and chats with Bucky about the weather, which is clear and sunny despite the cold, and leaves plenty of long pauses for Bucky Bear to speak if he wants to. 

Self Care Bear's mug of tea is half gone when Bucky Bear loosens his grip on the blanket enough to pick up his mug for the first time. He ducks his head so low over it that his nose is nearly dipping into the liquid when he says, "I have a question."

Self Care Bear nods and waits, giving Bucky Bear lots of time to decide whether he wants to _ask_ the question. 

Eventually Bucky Bear says, "You've taught me about doing things that make me feel safe. And good. Nice things, like tea and blankets and warm socks and brushing my fur."

Self Care Bear nods again. "Making yourself feel safe and good is an important kind of self care."

"But what if," Bucky Bear says, and then stops and takes a sip of tea. His voice is as small as a mouse's when he says, "What if I want someone else to make me feel safe?"

Self Care Bear has talked many times with Bucky Bear about asking for and accepting help--Self Care Bear himself is one of the bears who Bucky Bear has learned to accept help from--and he thinks this is not quite what Bucky Bear is asking, so he nods and waits for Bucky Bear to go on.

"What if I want someone to do something to me that... isn't so nice," Bucky Bear says after a while.

Self Care Bear looks more closely at Bucky Bear, and Bucky Bear sets his tea down and pulls the blanket more tightly around himself. 

_Ah,_ Self Care Bear thinks, but he says only, "Do you mean something that hurts?"

Bucky Bear shakes his head quickly and says, "Ameribear wouldn't--" but then stops sharply.

Self Care Bear says, "Captain Ameribear cares about you very much." 

He tries never to put words into other bears' mouths, but that one is just a plain fact.

"Ameribear won't hurt me," Bucky Bear says definitely.

Self Care Bear nods, because that is also a plain fact--though maybe not quite as inarguable as Bucky Bear thinks it is, if Bucky Bear is working around to the question Self Care Bear thinks he is. 

"Is there something else you want Ameribear to do?" Self Care Bear prompts, when Bucky Bear huddles down into his blanket and pulls it so tight that Self Care Bear can see it pulling right into the extra seams of Bucky Bear's left arm. 

Bucky Bear nods after a long time and says, "I like it--I feel safe--when he hugs me very tight. I wish sometimes he would squeeze me so hard I can't move at all. But I..."

Self Care Bear waits.

"The tentacle monsters used to," Bucky Bear says quietly. "Used to wrap me up in their tentacles and it was awful. I hated it. I never wanted them to touch me but they touched me and picked me up and moved me and squished--" Bucky Bear cuts himself off and tucks even his nose inside his blanket, grounding himself in the present. Self Care Bear nudges Bucky Bear's mug of tea a little closer.

"It was bad," Bucky Bear mumbles. "But I want Ameribear to squeeze me as tight as they ever did. Maybe tighter. But that's not nice, or good, or... something I'm supposed to want."

"Let me think a little bit," Self Care Bear says, instead of saying nothing, so that Bucky Bear will know that he hasn't been shocked speechless. He does need to think a little to know how to say what comes next, though. Helping Bucky Bear to treat his own thoughts and feelings gently isn't as easy as warming up the blankets and making tea.

"There are things you are supposed to do or not do," Self Care Bear says finally. "There are things you should or shouldn't say. But when it comes to your feelings, which includes what you want as well as how certain things make you feel, we can't say you should this or shouldn't that. What you want or how you feel is just part of who you are, the same as your fur and your stitching."

Bucky Bear shifts a little, rubbing his left paw, which doesn't match his right, against his nose. 

"There are parts of you that are different now than they were before the tentacle monsters. There are parts of you that were changed by what they did to you. Your desires and feelings can change, too. It's good to know what you want, no matter where that wanting might come from. It's a part of you."

Bucky Bear has been tilting his head up as Self Care Bear spoke, so he is looking right at Self Care Bear, although from behind his perpetual black mask, as he says, "What if I want even more than just squeezing? What if I even wanted him to--to tie me up, or wrap me up so tightly that I couldn't move at all?"

Self Care Bear shrugs and sips some tea. "What if you did want that? What do you think it would be like if Captain Ameribear did that for you?"

Bucky Bear rocks back a little, like he's been so busy worrying about whether he dares to want it that he hasn't let himself really think about what it is he wants.

"If he did," Bucky Bear says slowly. "If he didn't mind, and didn't think I was--"

"Ah," Self Care Bear said, heading Bucky Bear off from a spiral of punishing words disguised as speculation. "If he agreed, and it was happening. What would it be like then?"

"Safe," Bucky Bear says, almost without thinking at all. "I mean--I'd be safe with him, because I know he won't hurt me, even if I was all tied up tight. Even when he hugs me he's careful not to squeeze as hard as he can, even though I'm just as springy as he is. But if he did tie me up so I was squeezed all tight--then I couldn't move, and couldn't do anything, and he would keep me safe. And I couldn't do anything bad, so I would know I was good. I would be safe and good and he would be there, and maybe..."

Bucky Bear trails off and busies himself in picking up his tea and drinking some more of it. Self Care Bear thinks that Bucky Bear realized just then that he wanted something very much. He does not think it was tea.

"Maybe?" Self Care Bear says gently.

"Maybe," Bucky Bear says after a while. "Maybe he would pet my ears, because the rest of me would be all covered up, and maybe he would talk to me and not mind if I didn't talk back, and I could just be all held still and safe with him." 

Bucky Bear dips his nose almost into his tea again, and then he shakes his head a little and sets it down. "If he agreed. If I could even ask."

"Those are some ifs," Self Care Bear agrees. "You might not be ready to ask. You might not get what you want. Or if you got it, it might not be quite like you imagined. But now you know what it is you want, or at least one thing you want. And there's nothing wrong with wanting that--you don't want anyone to get hurt, or to do anything bad."

"But holding me still, tying me up--it's like the tentacle monsters all over again," Bucky Bear insists. "I don't want to make Ameribear be like them. I don't want to go back to them."

"Well," Self Care Bear says, more briskly now that Bucky Bear is asserting himself. "It doesn't sound to me like the same thing at all. If Ameribear agreed to do this for you, it would be because you trust him and you want him to, and not something that was forced on you. So it would be a very different thing, even if it might look a little bit the same."

Bucky Bear thinks about that for a while, and drinks some more tea, and then says, "Ameribear has the nicest fur, anyway. He's not all slimy and cold. So it wouldn't feel the same at all."

"There you go," Self Care Bear agrees. "It wouldn't be the same at all."

* * *

Ameribear is there waiting when Bucky Bear gets home from his visit with Self Care Bear, and Bucky Bear doesn't even have to ask for a hug. Ameribear's arms are already open for him, and Bucky Bear walks right in. 

They stay like that for a while, hugging the usual sort of hug where Bucky Bear wishes Ameribear would squeeze him just a little bit tighter, and then Bucky Bear clears his throat.

"Could you," he says, just like he practiced saying quietly to himself all the way home. "Could you squeeze me tighter?"

Ameribear doesn't even hesitate or ask why, just tightens his grip on Bucky Bear until Bucky Bear knows Ameribear is using quite a bit more of his strength than he usually does, compressing Bucky Bear's stuffing so that it will take a second for him to spring back into shape after Ameribear lets go. It still doesn't hurt, but Bucky Bear's arms are loose around Ameribear's neck, and he knows that in a moment Ameribear is going to let him go; he ought to be hugging back equally tightly, but that isn't what he wants.

Finally he says gathers the courage to say, "Could you...?"

Ameribear loosens his grip at once to look Bucky Bear in the eye, and Bucky Bear draws his arms in to his sides and presses himself against Ameribear again. "Could you hug me like this? Tight?"

"Sure, Buck," Ameribear says, and he wraps his arms around Bucky Bear again, pressing his arms to his sides and squeezing him tight. 

Bucky Bear sighs and relaxes in Ameribear's grip, feeling safe in Ameribear's two (and only two) warm and furry arms; for right now he doesn't wish they were doing anything else at all. 

"You'll tell me if it's too much, won't you?" Ameribear murmurs in Bucky Bear's ear, still holding on.

Bucky Bear nods, and Ameribear squeezes him tighter still when Bucky Bear says, "I'm good. This feels good."

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is [also on tumblr](http://dsudis.tumblr.com/post/107467040739/bucky-bear-and-the-difficult-question) and so am I!


End file.
